Wednesday, April 22, 2009


"Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be so hard."-- Coldplay.

Today in my Psychology of Emotions class, Dr. Hupka started his series of lectures on Grieving. I have no idea why today seemed to mean more to me than all of his other lectures. I guess i take for granted how easily i get over things or how well i can heal myself more than other people. We watched a video talking about Ramsay's Flooding Technique and i got super emotional just watching the whole process being done on another person 30 years ago...

Basically, Dr. Ramsay had to repetitively meet with this woman who had lost her daughter in a fire 2 years prior to their meeting.  She had been absolutely miserable and could not bear to acknowledge anything to do with her daughter without going completely insane or emotionally distraught for two solid years.  Ramsay's Flooding Technique seemed harsh when watching the 6 hour process condensed into a 20 minute film, but it was a complete transformation through the week of treatment from the first day to the last. 

This woman started off hysterical and was not able to willingly look at pictures of her deceased daughter, listen to the music her daughter loved or even talk about her daughter without completely breaking down. In the end this woman left the office feeling resolution and happiness, and could look at pictures and listen to music without shutting down. Just watching someone go through THAT much pain made me internalize the feeling and I seriously had welled tears in my eyes. Thats INTENSE. Especially because out of the 4 other people i know in that class, none of them showed up so in a way, I felt somewhat alone...that's a bad feeling. 

Currently, this lecture helped me in a way heal a little from all the emotional events that have been occurring over the last few months. There are way worse feelings you can feel than being dumped, failing tests, being unemployed, getting back together, having your boyfriend move 3 large states away from you...Things of that nature.  You could have a far worse feeling, losing a child you raised for six years, not being able to say good bye, knowing they died in agonizing pain burning alive in a fire. 

I cant promise that my emotions are healed and I won't cry again about any of the examples i listed above, but until i have a child I raised die before me and have to go through a psychological flooding process to recover, the shit I'm dealing with can be lived through. 

But my justification: Love can temporarily devastate you and make you feel like theres nothing left in the world to believe in, but you must work forward and think the value of life in general and not necessarily life only with another human being. 

Thats all for today. -A

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

reflection on old entry

[Do you ever get the feeling that you weren't cut out for school and your life is just this big gigantic social fiesta? Well, that's how i feel. Big ass fiesta. I just think while im sitting in my lectures, that I really shouldn't be there. I'm not someone who listens to lectures and actually gets anything out of it. And my notes..oh man theyre so bad. none of it ever makes any sense unless my teacher has a powerpoint leading the ideas and then i can expand with whatever the teacher has to say. I just feel purposeless and it's like im going through a midlife crisis already. ugh. 

I have this study guide that i should probably start filling out because i dont know anything about the test that i have to take tomorrow in Public Speaking. To be honest, all i care about concerning tomorrow is seeing Jodi, Shelley, CHel and Molly for the movies. 

I wish my brain could retain useful information and somehow this paper that i have to write can just appear out of thin air. <3 
i dont know anything about the structure and process of government and how it effects the decisions made on gay marriage. what the freaking jell-o mold man. 

oh well. this weekend will show if i have what it takes.
good job.]

-yeah that was from my first semester in college. i still dont know what im doing here. hhahahahahaha
just kidding...but really.
For a good laugh or smile, heres a Jack in the Box commercial.
im STILL laughing from seeing it on tv: