Dog pile ;)

I'm just sitting at the campus Starbucks in the food court and i glanced over to the seating area across from me and it looks like a serious dog pile of sleeping and reading students all jumbled on and around the brown leather couch. they're all draped over each other and they look SO comfortable. I feel like i'm gonna need a nap later. I love naps. They are SOO fulfilling. Its always the freshest sensation after you wake up from a nap, as long as the temperature isn't so hot that you wake up sweating.

Speaking of temperature, the weather has been in its "transition" to what we call "FALL WEATHER" in Southern California. Its probably in the mid 60's, but i'm shivering and cold. I like the cold, but i need to get a better jacket to suit the weather change. I hate buying jackets, so i lack cozy winter wear in my wardrobe. I really want to eventually get a CSULB sweatshirt before I graduate...whenever that is...

I'm heading up to San Francisco this coming weekend. Its that time again for another dance competition. I hope they let me dance in All-Stars this year. I'm gonna cry if they don't. seriously. tears.

Lifes the best its ever been. Im loving life. <3

Keep up

Its seems like life's been passing by, but i treat my life like i treat my ice cream. I enjoy every moment of it, before it melts away. SO its like a crazy 10 scoop sundae and I've been attacking it at every angle. Today marks a whole month of fun times experiencing life in a new way with a new person. I'm excited to see where this will all lead me, but I'm done not taking up the opportunities because of apprehension or the expectation of guilt.

I can snorkel, surf, and play frisbee golf now! super exciting.

I'm low in the monetary department, but luckily it hasn't really been holding me back from getting to do what I want.

ive got glitter and glue on my fingers and im proud to show it.

A.

summer's gone

Another summer gone.

I'm gonna miss the summer freedom, but seriously what's not to love about my school schedule this year. I have three day weekends...every weekend. and there's so many state budget days off. last weekend i had five days off in a row. Oh dang.

I'm looking forward to working hard on my psych classes this fall. I wonder how long its REALLY going to take to get my major done. feels like its going to take forever.

Oh well. in any case, i'm super happy with the life i've got going on right now.

and now i want to eat some breakfast. yummm

A.

Last Night in NY

OH MY i cant even recall what I've been doing the last 3 days.

SATURDAY was an insane day. starting at 5 am, we camped out in Central Park to get tickets to see Twelfth Night, Shakespeare in the Park. The tickets were free, but we spent all day waiting in a line...the box office doesn't actually open until 1 pm! Keiko and i carried all the blankets and pillows we brought with us back to the house and ate a lovely meal in SoHo. I seriously had a HUGE flatbread sandwich and a roll of sushi all by myself. I was SO hungry. waited until 5 pm to eat anything all day. Picked Eric up from work and walked to the subway-->to Central Park. it started raining so hard on our walk to the subway but the sun was shining so bright it seemed like a surreal movie scene.
Shakespeare in the park was amazing. It was pretty awesome seeing Anne Hathaway performing a play right in front of me :) The entire cast made the play really entertaining and the show was hilarious.

SUNDAY we took it easy... walked around washington square park, ate mexican food in west village; the service was terrible but the food was good....and they don't give re-fills here!!!! WTF! Passed by NYU and had gluten free cupcakes at Keiko's obsession, Babycakes. Then we walked across the Williamsburg bridge and hopped on a subway back to the apartment. Got some champagne and ice cream and enjoyed while watching episode after episode of heroes until 5am.

MONDAY we went to the Guggenheim Museum and were in awe of Frank Lloyd Wright's amazing architecture works. There was also an amazing collection of Kandinsky and a few others. I made note of some awesome works that i want to find online :) After the museum, we took the subway to Madison Square Park where there is the most amazing Burger Joint ever in the world. Im sure of it. Shake Shack has the most amazing Shack Burger and Cheese Fries ever accompanied by an Arnold Palmer refreshment. I couldn't stand to leave a single bite or crumb behind. I was so satisfied. Met this really cute dog and she was the sweetest thing ever. Most of the dogs here I find are the most friendliest dogs ever. Got some red wine at Union Square and made our way back home. Just finished watching the movie Fido. Pretty funny zombie movie. I'm pretty tired and tomorrow ill be able to rest either on the plane or after i land :)

tomorrow i leave :( i miss home though. so glad i got to spend time with my best friend. This week was VERY well documented thanks to my amazing new camera! <3
xoxo A

More New York!

Im sitting in the portion of the room that is considered the dining room, between the bed in the common room and the kitchen. basically the only table to use my computer on :)

Havent really done anything today yet, but this week has been fun so far.

Tuesday we went to Bedford Ave. and walked around all the shops in Williamsburg. I bought a new skirt/dress, belt and cool high tops. Came back to the house, chilled for a bit, and went to the Brooklyn Bridge. We walked all the way towards Queens, to the other side of the river, and looked at the Manhattan/Brooklyn skyline. AMAZING. and im proud of my camera for capturing it properly. Found a convenience store called Peas & Pickles and bought some chips to munch on. Taxi driver couldnt figure out how to get us home...so we walked BACK on the bridge. it started raining. Keiko and I sat on the roof of her building for 3 consecutive hours after that and had the most amazing ketchup talk ever. <3

Wednesday we dilly dallied around the house and Eric and keiko worked on a speech for a SGI Buddhist meeting. Went to the meeting via subway. Met some amazing people. Went to Times Square and ate at Dallas BBQ. Ate the biggest burger of my life. I think we watched Billy Elliot when we got home...either did this Wed. or Tues.

Thursday we went to St. Marks Place and ate at La Orlin restaurant. Had an amazing humus and falafel plate. Bought a really cute ring at this really overwhelming jewelry store. Saw some guy in a nice car who looked like Johnny Knoxville and the car was European car (drivers seat on the WRONG SIDE). haha the Subway cars were all packed to the maximum and there were armpits in my face. Went to another SGI Buddhist meeting for the Bushwick district. Met some amazing people who have a lot of genuine compassion and welcomed me to their meeting. Went dancing at Frim Fram and met up with Rhoni B. and Dave G. SUPER fun.

Now its Friday. walked around on my own for a little over an hour. ended up raining for about 5-10 minutes really hard with thunder and lightning. it hurt my head. walked down Metropolitan ave. from Lorimer to Driggs ave. really enjoyed the sights at my own pace with not intentional destination. Finished walking when i found a cute comic book store called Desert Island. now we're back at the apt. on Hemrod. chillin with beer on the fire escape. <3

xoxo A

New York

help im alive, my heart keeps beeting like a hammer- Metric

 I tried going to sleep 3 hours ago and I just can't seem to get to it. Im tossing and turning, my throat is feeling scratchy....maybe, possibly getting sick, and this couch might be a little bit too small for me. I feel terrible that I'm possibly doing a little bit of complaining right now because i have only been here for a few hours, but feeling sick on vacation and not being able to sleep through it is a little rough. 

While I was flying out here,  The clouds reflected the most beautiful sunset. The clouds looked like pink dust in a fairy tail book. beautiful.

We watched Dan In Real Life when we got back to the apartment because I got in too late to really do anything in NY on a Monday night. Classic Keiko/Amber movie.

I don't know what could be better than the feeling of seeing your best friend in a different city across the country and knowing that everything will always pick up exactly the way it left off with you. It felt REAL fucking good to see Keiko and Eric across the pickup station at JFK. I seriously dropped everything and ran to them. 

My first meal was nothing particularly special to NY, Wendy's chicken nuggets, but it tasted SO New York. hahah

If I can't sleep tomorrow, i'll continue my NY recap. xoxo amber

Summer Goals

While I eat my instant chocolate pudding I made yesterday, I started thinking about the things I want to try to work toward and accomplish over this summer...

-Keep growing my hair and getting it cut regularly, no matter how hot it gets this summer..

-Read lots of books

-Go to the BEACH a LOT

-Hike a couple new trails

-Look for jobs

-Get on a Plane to HOUSTON

-Save my money for NY and Houston

-Keep my mind fresh with psych terms so I don't feel like an idiot next semester

-Get my brain scanned at UCI

-Celebrate my 21st birthday :)

-Go to Vegas BABY!

-Go to Disneyland a LOT since my awesome friends chipped in & bought me a pass!

Grieving

"Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be so hard."-- Coldplay.

Today in my Psychology of Emotions class, Dr. Hupka started his series of lectures on Grieving. I have no idea why today seemed to mean more to me than all of his other lectures. I guess i take for granted how easily i get over things or how well i can heal myself more than other people. We watched a video talking about Ramsay's Flooding Technique and i got super emotional just watching the whole process being done on another person 30 years ago...

Basically, Dr. Ramsay had to repetitively meet with this woman who had lost her daughter in a fire 2 years prior to their meeting.  She had been absolutely miserable and could not bear to acknowledge anything to do with her daughter without going completely insane or emotionally distraught for two solid years.  Ramsay's Flooding Technique seemed harsh when watching the 6 hour process condensed into a 20 minute film, but it was a complete transformation through the week of treatment from the first day to the last. 

This woman started off hysterical and was not able to willingly look at pictures of her deceased daughter, listen to the music her daughter loved or even talk about her daughter without completely breaking down. In the end this woman left the office feeling resolution and happiness, and could look at pictures and listen to music without shutting down. Just watching someone go through THAT much pain made me internalize the feeling and I seriously had welled tears in my eyes. Thats INTENSE. Especially because out of the 4 other people i know in that class, none of them showed up so in a way, I felt somewhat alone...that's a bad feeling. 

Currently, this lecture helped me in a way heal a little from all the emotional events that have been occurring over the last few months. There are way worse feelings you can feel than being dumped, failing tests, being unemployed, getting back together, having your boyfriend move 3 large states away from you...Things of that nature.  You could have a far worse feeling, losing a child you raised for six years, not being able to say good bye, knowing they died in agonizing pain burning alive in a fire. 

I cant promise that my emotions are healed and I won't cry again about any of the examples i listed above, but until i have a child I raised die before me and have to go through a psychological flooding process to recover, the shit I'm dealing with can be lived through. 

But my justification: Love can temporarily devastate you and make you feel like theres nothing left in the world to believe in, but you must work forward and think the value of life in general and not necessarily life only with another human being. 

Thats all for today. -A

reflection on old entry

[Do you ever get the feeling that you weren't cut out for school and your life is just this big gigantic social fiesta? Well, that's how i feel. Big ass fiesta. I just think while im sitting in my lectures, that I really shouldn't be there. I'm not someone who listens to lectures and actually gets anything out of it. And my notes..oh man theyre so bad. none of it ever makes any sense unless my teacher has a powerpoint leading the ideas and then i can expand with whatever the teacher has to say. I just feel purposeless and it's like im going through a midlife crisis already. ugh. 

I have this study guide that i should probably start filling out because i dont know anything about the test that i have to take tomorrow in Public Speaking. To be honest, all i care about concerning tomorrow is seeing Jodi, Shelley, CHel and Molly for the movies. 

I wish my brain could retain useful information and somehow this paper that i have to write can just appear out of thin air. <3 
i dont know anything about the structure and process of government and how it effects the decisions made on gay marriage. what the freaking jell-o mold man. 

oh well. this weekend will show if i have what it takes.
good job.]

-yeah that was from my first semester in college. i still dont know what im doing here. hhahahahahaha

just kidding...but really.

For a good laugh or smile, heres a Jack in the Box commercial.

im STILL laughing from seeing it on tv:

Mini Sirloin Burgers

Enchanted Cafe

I'm sitting in an amazingly enchanting coffee shop a few blocks inland from the ocean in Huntington Beach. I've been here for an hour and a half browsing the web, editing recent photography, sipping my latte and munching on my jalapeno bagel that is now burning my stomach. 

This little 3-year-old boy just walked in with his lime green sippy cup in hand. His parents are bribing him with melting skittles to be friendly to the barista just to say hello. This family just gave me a warm fuzzy feeling, maybe its indicating something that I want to have for myself. I feel all giddy and i want to run around on the sand now. Just witnessing this whole moment just made my day ten times better and its only just begun. 

I hope the rest of my day stays in par with this moment.

love always. 

A.

Links

Carnival performance is up on youtube:

CARNIVAL-Doug & Amber

AND....

I started my own photography website:

AMBER SHOOTS PHOTOGRAPHY

check it.

<3a.

Choreographer's Carnival

Wednesday February 25 2009, I will be performing my West Coast Swing- Lindy Hop hybrid routine with Doug Silton at the Key Club in Hollywood. COME OUT AND SUPPORT DANCE!!!!
entry $20, doors open at 9pm, show starts at 10:30pm

I'm terrified/excited/nervous/anticipatory....about the whole day tomorrow.
non stop craziness.
no breath.
just GO GO GO.
crossing my fingers.

-amber

Don't MIND Me..

SO we're gonna see if I can get back into being creative and start making stuff again.
I was so into making my own jewelry and re-inventing my clothes to make something else newer and more exciting.
But I stopped for a while because I had no inspiration. Most recently, I just made a neon striped shirt that I absolutely LOVE 100%. There is still hope! Lets see if I can feel that extra push.
I have recently been thinking more along the lines of addressing the sides of the brain (I'm a psych. major). Right now I want to massage the hell out of my right brain... even though I should be focusing more on the left... because I'm in school. Here are some descriptions of brain functions if you aren't familiar with them.

LEFT BRAIN FUNCTIONS
uses logic
detail oriented
facts rule
words and language
present and past
math and science
can comprehend
knowing
acknowledges
order/pattern perception
knows object name
reality based
forms strategies
practical
safe

RIGHT BRAIN FUNCTIONS
uses feeling
"big picture" oriented
imagination rules
symbols and images
present and future
philosophy & religion
can "get it" (i.e. meaning)
believes
appreciates
spatial perception
knows object function
fantasy based
presents possibilities
impetuous
risk taking

fall 2008

school just started today and im in the computer lab on campus. i ran into jodi twice and that makes me happy that i will be seeing her around all the time now!
my lab session got cancelled today since theres nothing to "lab" about. i hope i like my tap class because if i dont like the teacher today, im going to drop it for a 3 unit psych class that starts tomorrow. jodis in it so it'll be nice to have classes with my friends.

its weird how allmy super close friends didnt go to the same school as me...or just didnt go to school...hahahha

oh well. peace out. im gonna go mozy

hype

so i think i finally figured out how to use hype machine.

about damn time.
thanks for helping me out berto.
i teach you how to swim, you teach me how to get music free and legal.
<3

theory time

haha i have this theory
that we all ask for advice but dont take it until its what we want. it makes sense.
because its the only thing i see from anyone. weird.

ummm ive had my up days and my down days.
but mostly i want someone to try to be on their way to loving me.
and looking at me like we belong
and talking to me when we're in the same room
and being the first person they think of when they wake up

this person could be anyone
as long as we belong together.
and we combust with smiles when we meet.

what would you do?

Seriously.
at this point in my life i go to everyone for advice. and instead of doing what i really want to do, i take everyone else's advice thinking that they have a bird's eye view on the situation. and then it all makes sense to me that it IS the right thing to do. so i do it. and then i act the opposite of what i had decided before was going to be the RIGHT thing.

I know that was one of those "i knew that you knew that i knew" types of rambles but its the only vague way of saying anything and its the only way i could say it and have it make sense in my head.

I miss hugs. that mean something
and kisses that make you want to smile more than to breathe.
and just looking at each other knowing that everything around you may be falling apart but you make the other person complete. thinking about wanting that makes me cry. no matter where i am. because my body aches for genuine love.
and I'm looking for it in all the wrong places.

Help.

natalie dee

so ive been visiting this site called natalie dee for a few years now.
im pretty sure keiko got me into it
and then we started sending eachother funny little comic pictures that the artist drew.

you should check it out: NATALIE DEE

heres a sample:

six flags stole my phone

so today i went to six flags with my great friend Caley.
and we went on Tatsu, the best ride ever.
AND ON THAT SUPER AWESOME SWEET LOOP, MY PHONE SLIPPED OUT OF MY POCKET AND SKYROCKETED OUT INTO THE OBLIVION. yea.
so now i have no phone
so there's really no way for anyone to get a hold of me.
myspace me?

but then that wasn't the end of the day.
we went on a few more rides, i purchased a pass so i can go back whenever :)
but six flags seriously stole my phone
gay.

anyhoo. so we drove down topanga canyon blvd. and drove all the way from the 188 fwy to malibu beach through the valley and the santa monica mountains.

there was a unfortunate event that occurred in the mountains though, because i was following this old couple through the windy roads and there was this pair of birds who were flying around and chasing each other into the street and one of them got stuck under the wheel of the car in front of me and i watched the bird die. i cried.
it sucked. RIP DODGER.

and then we drove over to my favorite secluded hike and chilled on the cliffs at point dume.
and then we were greeted at my house with tacos.
mmmm

now im off to watch Darjeeling Limited.
with no phone.
and no texting
and no phone calls.
how sad.
and unfortunate.

<3A.
"fly pelicans, fly!"

tuneglue

so there's this really amazing site that my mom's co-worker just told me about. its called tune glue
http://audiomap.tuneglue.net
it made me smile
it helps you find bands that are related to other bands that they feel are similar to the ones that you like.

i have one more final tomorrow at 8am and then i get 3 days off and no more school or work.
what kind of job should i look for?
i need a new one
but i dont know what i want
i just know that i want to leave Jamba Juice
ive made way too many smoothies in my lifetime.